Touched Read online

  By the time the boys came out of the water, we had a fire, complete with a homemade grill for the shellfish, ready and waiting. The girls had pulled on some more layers of clothing and were grateful for the warmth of the fire. Stefan pulled out a box of beers and handed them around the group. Gabe refused because he was driving, and I offered to drive home so he could drink, but he shook his head. I took a beer and gulped down the neck. It was horrible.

  Gabe pulled his wetsuit half off and sat beside me. “Get any nice photos?”

  I took out my camera and flicked through the digital preview button. There were some good shots of him and Stefan surfing which excited them greatly. Even Elise and Haleigh murmured some sounds of approval.

  “Just a couple more minutes,” Gabe said, inching closer to me. “The sunsets out here are stunning.”

  A few minutes passed and I saw for myself what he meant. Gabe stood and held his hand out. “Come on, let's go get some shots.” He pulled me to my feet and followed me around the beach as I crouched behind the dry grass, lay on the ground and climbed the sand dunes, getting the angles I wanted.

  “So why’d you give it up?” Gabe asked after a while.

  “Pardon?” I said, intent on capturing the last of the lingering light.

  “Photography? Why’d you give it up?”

  I let the camera fall around my neck. “I got pregnant.”

  “You’ve got a kid?” Gabe’s eyebrows shot up, and I shook my head quickly.

  “Miscarriage.” It wasn't exactly the truth, but it was easier than telling the whole truth. “I went to work as Derek’s PA after that.” What I didn’t tell him about was losing the baby, the depression, and the endless nights of tears. The way I was broken.

  “I’m so sorry.” From the way Gabe said it, I knew he meant it. He looked so sad yet so handsome with the last of the light from the sun setting behind him. I lifted my camera and pressed the shutter, blocking out the dark thoughts that started to invade my mind.

  “It never really goes away, does it?” He reached out and took my hand. It was a sweet touch, as if, in the moment he needed to feel someone close by. He played with each of my fingers before letting them slip between his and fall to my side. “I lost my brother.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Two years ago.”

  “He must have been young.” Two years. He lost his brother around the same time as I lost… I didn’t want to think about it.

  “Car crash. They reckon he fell asleep at the wheel.”

  I wanted to take his hand like he did mine, let him know I understood, I knew what it was like to lose yourself in sadness, but Drew took that moment to yell out to us.

  “Grub’s up!”

  Gabe’s demeanour changed in an instant. He smiled and tugged at my hand again, his sorrow not forgotten, but buried deep. “You like seafood?”

  “Love it.”

  We joined the others and sucked the smoked muscles from their shells. They were juicy and sweet and everything that fresh seafood should be. Drew licked every one of his fingers when he was done.

  “Worth getting cold and miserable for?”? I asked.

  “Totally.”

  8

  LAUREN

  “I think we’re going to grab pizza for dinner if you’re keen,” Gabe said when we pulled into the driveway of his house. He turned off the jeep, the vehicle suddenly quiet.

  I opened the door. “I think I’ll just head home, thanks for inviting me though.”

  “You have something important to do?”

  I shook my head. “I had fun. Thanks. It was…” I flicked my eyes towards the back of the vehicle. “Interesting.”

  The corner of Gabe’s mouth tugged upwards. “Interesting? Not exactly what I was going for, but I’m pleased, buddy.” He patted my leg. “Come on, I’ll even let you choose the toppings. Well, one of them, anyway.”

  “Let me out, would you?” Haleigh pushed the back of my seat impatiently. “My leg is cramping.”

  I got out, tilted the seat forward and Haleigh climbed out from the back. She walked to the front of the vehicle and stretched down to reach her toes.

  Stefan climbed out of his car. “Not half obvious, is she?” he mouthed as he walked past and slapped her arse.

  She squealed and jumped high. The look on her face when she realised it wasn’t Gabe was priceless.

  “Who wants what?” Drew asked once everyone was inside. Drew was bombarded with suggestions, until, in the end, he held up his hand and walked out of the room holding the telephone. Gabe flopped on the couch beside me and Haleigh beside him.

  “Want some?” she asked, tilting her beer bottle towards Gabe.

  He shook his head and held up his own bottle. “I’m good, thanks.” He turned to me. “You want something?”

  “I might just get going,” I said and started to get up from the couch. I felt out of place, like I was invading on the TV set of a teenage drama. I wasn’t sure why I came inside in the first place. I had been intending on walking to the car, but somehow I managed to just follow everyone through the door.

  “For god’s sake, woman. Would you relax?” Gabe grabbed my shirt and tugged me back to the couch. “I haven’t seen you relax yet.”

  I leaned closer and whispered in his ear, trying not to let Haleigh hear. “I just feel a little out of place.”

  “Who’s making you feel like that?” He looked around the room. “Is it the girls? I’ll get them to leave right now.”

  Haleigh glanced over and I gave her an apologetic smile. “No one is making me feel anything.”

  “So it’s just you, then?”

  I thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  Gabe stood and grabbed my hands, pulling me up from the couch. “Come with me,” he ordered. “I’ve got something to help with that.” He walked, dragging me behind him, into a room directly off the lounge. “Sit,” he instructed, pointing to the bed. I ignored him and started to walk around the room, gazing at the walls. Every possible inch was covered in photographs. Old cars with rotten panels streaked with rust, castle ruins with crumbling walls and scattered leaves, weather-battered lighthouses and industrial buildings with broken windows and water-stained walls. The rest of the room was sparse, the only furniture being an unmade bed, TV mounted on the wall, and a dresser covered in coins and wrappers and receipts.

  “These are good,” I said, pointing at the photographs. “Did you take them?”

  Gabe stopped fumbling through the top drawer of his dresser and looked over at me. “Yeah, they’re nothing great though. Just a few snaps I took on my phone when I went travelling.” He rustled through the drawer some more and finally held up a small plastic bag. “Here we go.”

  “Weed?” I asked. I hadn’t even glimpsed any weed since I was about eighteen. There was a time when Derek and I tried it at a party, but I couldn’t remember it doing much other than making me hungry.

  “Weed, pot, marijuana, cannabis, take your pick. The green stuff that’s known for relaxing people and letting them enjoy the moment.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “I’m not doing drugs with you.”

  “Who said anything about drugs?” He took some tissue papers out of the drawer and dropped a thick line of the green stuff along the centre. Rolling it, he licked the seal before offering it to me.

  I shook my head again. “I’m good. Honestly.”

  “Suit yourself.” One more fumble around the drawer and he pulled out a lighter. He opened the window and leaned towards the opening, lighting the cigarette. He sucked in, paused, and then blew the smoke out slowly. “You ever tried it?”

  I sat down on the bed, surprised when I sunk deep. “You’ve got a waterbed? I haven’t seen one of these in years.” I jiggled up and down and the bed swelled in response. “I bet you weren’t even born when these were popular.”

  “I’m not sure if you were even born when these were popular,” he said, holding his breath in after taking a
puff on the cigarette. He let it out in one hurried exhale. “I remember my mother having one though. She used to get me to lie in the middle and she would sit on the edge and bounce up and down so the waves rocked me. So, as soon as I could, I found one at a second-hand store and set it up. Awesome, isn’t it?” He sat down, the water rippling under him, and held out the smoke.

  “I haven’t touched the stuff in years.”

  “Time to get reacquainted then. Come on.” He wiggled the cigarette. “A little isn’t going to hurt you, is it? You never know, you might just end up having some fun.”

  I held out for a moment and then relented, taking the tiniest of breaths, and coughing as I blew the smoke out.

  Gabe lay back on the bed and I waited for something to happen, to feel lightheaded, or happy, or something. But nothing did, so I took another puff.

  “Easy there, buddy.” Gabe took the cigarette from me and lay it on the bedside cabinet, stubbing out the end with his fingers. “This stuff creeps up on you.” He lay down slowly and tugged my shirt so I fell back on the bed beside him. I stared at the photos sprawled across his ceiling and smiled.

  Gabe nudged me with his elbow. “You’re smiling.”

  I grinned harder, seemingly unable to stop. “It appears I am.”

  “See that one over there?” Gabe pointed to a photo, and I followed the line of his finger to an image of a fallen clown face, once the top of a carnival ride. “It’s from an abandoned theme park. It’s like walking around a horror movie. Some of the roller coasters are still standing and I just walked around for hours taking pictures and feeling like I was the last person left on earth.”

  “And that one?” I pointed to an image of crumpled stones.

  “That’s someone’s pet dog’s grave after that earthquake we had up north.”

  “You were there?” I asked. The quake had devastated the people living in the area.

  He shook his head and propped himself up on his elbow to look at me. “This was a few days after. My brother was part of the volunteer group that helped with the clean-up. I just tagged along after I begged Dad to give me a few days off school. He wasn’t going to, but then Clark called him and told him what a tremendous opportunity it was to teach me the importance of helping out those in need and, next minute, I was on a plane.”

  “So did you learn the importance of helping those in need?”

  “Nope. I skived off and took photos while Clark helped with the clean-up. He was most disappointed in me.”

  “Your dad?”

  “Nah, Clark. He was one of those goody-two-shoes types.” He snorted. “Goody-two-shoes. Where does that saying even come from?”

  “It was a children’s story about some poor girl who only had one shoe and some rich dude gave her another one and she was really grateful.”

  “Seriously? How do you even know that?”

  “I have a love affair with Google.”

  “Google. It’s a weird word.”

  “It’s a misspelt number.”

  “How do you know that?”

  We both laughed and said at the same time, “Google.”

  “What about your brother?” I asked, suddenly remembering what we had been talking about.

  “What about him?” Gabe asked.

  “Did he forgive you for skiving off?”

  “We never really spoke about it. He found me in bed with his girlfriend a while later. It kind of overshadowed the skiving off thing.”

  “You what?” I picked up a pillow and hit him across the face.

  He held up his arms to shield himself, laughing. “It was all her, I promise!”

  “That’s horrible. Your poor brother. It’s a wonder he ever talked to you again.”

  He shrugged. “I was a little shit.”

  I stretched my arms along the surface of the bed and high above me. The water sloshed and rocked us. “And you’re not anymore?”

  “Let’s just say I’m less shitty.”

  I’m not sure how long we lay there in silence, looking at the images on the walls, but when the doorbell rang, we both sat up abruptly.

  “Pizza!” we said in unison.

  I tried to act normal in front of the others but I had no idea how successful I was. Gabe appeared no different than he ever did, although, he did consume an entire pizza by himself. Rugby was on the TV and Drew became the most vocal and animated I had ever seen him. He yelled at the TV, as if, somehow, the players could hear and heed his advice.

  After stuffing myself with as much pizza as my stomach allowed, I lay back on the couch and watched the game. I had never been into rugby but—probably with the help of a recently consumed substance—I quickly became enthralled. And thanks to listening to Derek’s comments while watching previous games, I had a general understanding of the rules and found myself yelling at the TV almost as much as Drew.

  The couch jostled as Gabe got up. I watched him as he walked towards his room and, just before he went through the door, he turned and looked at me. It was a long and lingering stare, and the intensity of it made my heart pound. His eyes flicked towards his room, and I was certain I saw a slight jerk of his head as if he were signalling me to follow. Then, he disappeared inside. I didn’t know if I had just imagined him signalling or not. I sat on the couch uncertain what to do. Uncertain what I wanted to do.

  The game became distant to the thoughts in my mind. Finally, after sitting on the couch for what could have been fifteen seconds, or fifteen minutes, I walked over to his room and opened the door.

  Gabe had his back to me, staring out the window. He didn’t say anything when I walked in so I shut the door and leaned against it, my hand still on the handle. There was something in the way he had looked at me. Everything, every emotion, every thought inside me, was heightened.

  Gabe turned and locked eyes with mine, stepping forward until he was only inches away. I tried to keep his gaze but my eyes dropped to the ground as my heart raced. My mind was a jumble of confusion.

  He took another step closer, close enough so I could feel the warmth of his body, but not close enough to touch me. He tilted his head and his breath danced along the skin of my neck.

  Unbidden, my body arched towards him, offering itself before I even had the chance to refuse. Gabe raised his hand and, with his finger, followed the line of my skin from my collarbone and up the curve of my neck.

  I burned under his touch.

  As he trailed his finger along my jaw, my breathing quickened. He stopped under my chin and lifted it so I had to look at him. My mind was screaming, though I couldn’t tell whether it was screaming for me to stop, or screaming for more.

  He didn’t waver, just looked at me longingly, waiting for my response, waiting for me to press against him. My lips ached for him to kiss me. My skin tingled at the thought of having his hands roam over my body. But he did not move any closer. He did not touch me, apart from where his finger still burned under my chin.

  Hesitantly, his gaze slipped to my lips and I inched forward, not enough to touch, but enough so we were breathing each other. He left me wanting, his mouth only moments from mine and, just before I wilted and closed the gap between us, the edges of his mouth tugged into a smile as if he could sense my need, sense how much I wanted him as if he had won.

  He moved quickly then, and pressed against me, groaning when our lips finally met. I gripped the door handle pressing into my back for support.

  I longed to melt under him. His kiss was urgent and sensual, his tongue connecting with mine, his teeth grazing my lips. Unable to stand the feelings welling up within me, I tore myself away and ducked from under him to gain my escape.

  I felt mortified at what I’d done, embarrassed that I let my desire get the better of me. But at the same time, as I watched him tip his forehead and bang it against the door a few times, I knew I had just tasted something I wouldn’t be able to stay away from.

  It was just the start of my addiction.

  “Denied again,” Gabe
said finally, drawing in a deep breath.

  “I… It’s just…”

  “You’re older than me, we work together, yeah, I know. But just so you know, you’re the only person it bothers, Lauren.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t ever have to say sorry.”

  “I should go.”

  “You shouldn’t drive. Stay with me.” He walked over and placed his hands on my shoulders, ducking his head until I returned his gaze. “I promise I’ll behave.”

  “This is ridiculous,” I said, shaking my head and looking around the room for my jacket, before remembering I wasn’t wearing one. I rubbed my arms, suddenly feeling cold. “Look, I don’t know what I’m doing here.” I gave a half-hearted laugh. “This isn’t me, this isn’t who I am. I don’t go to the beach, I don’t eat pizza from cardboard boxes and drink beer, and I certainly don’t smoke pot.”

  Gabe crossed his arms and grinned, watching as I wandered around the room, looking for nothing.

  I stopped. “What?” I demanded angrily.

  “You're all flustered.”

  “Of course I’m flustered. You kissed me.”

  “So?” Gabe shrugged. “I rather liked it. You didn’t?”

  I took a deep breath and found myself smiling. “Yes. It was fine,” I conceded.

  “Fine?” Gabe blinked.

  “Okay, it was nice.”

  “Oh.” Gabe uncrossed his arms and walked over to me. “Nice. Thank goodness. I was a little worried there, but if it was nice and not just fine, well that’s dandy.”

  I laughed. “Dandy?”

  Gabe sat on the bed and nodded. “Yep. ‘Twas a fine and dandy old time.” He stretched out his hand. “Please, Lauren. Stay?”

  9

  LAUREN

  I didn’t stay. Not because I was afraid he wouldn’t stick to his word to keep his hands to himself, but because I was afraid of how much I didn’t want him to. I made a mental note to self, don’t mix alcohol or drugs with Gabe. The sensible, grown up part of me got messed up when I did.